for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
