no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
