Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
