what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
