life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
