omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
me + whiskey = a bad person
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
