Barsexuality is the new black.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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