if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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