I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
