I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I skipped work to stalk him.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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