If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
