Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
