At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
