I'm drive I can fine osifer
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
