An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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