If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize