I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
