Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's the barista slut.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
