Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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