i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
