Non-Jews are for practice
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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