the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
