When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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