just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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