Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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