he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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