I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
