Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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