let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
