My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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