Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
