i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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