Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
