It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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