We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
