remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
