I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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