please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
