I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
