my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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