she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
