I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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