you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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