Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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