You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
