shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
