You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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