I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
