Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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