my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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