Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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