i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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