look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
