i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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