proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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