just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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