Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
