We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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