A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
