I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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