Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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