I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
