Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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