the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
